Hospitality

A month or so ago, I learned that there were several homeless people who attend my church.  I was bowled over by this.  Not that people are homeless.  I know this is a reality.  What surprised me was that we had people who were part of our church community who did not want to be homeless but were.  I recognize that there are some people we can't immediately help, some are homeless because they are running away from things they must first turn and face, others are dealing with medical issues with no easy answers. My observation is that this is not the case with most of the people our church finds in our midst. We can address the issue of homelessness within our community. I am not expecting our church to fix this as an institution, but rather people who know these folks to open their homes, offering them use of a bathroom and a spare bedroom or at least a pad to sleep on.  Not everyone might be up to helping someone with the issues that put them on the street, but many of us are able to do something.  I have no way to know for certain, but I would guess that there are at least a couple hundred extra rooms in the homes of people in our church, and only tens of people who need a place.   I am sure that now that our church is more aware of the needs, that this will get addressed because I believe in our people, that they will love their neighbor and help.  But this seems to be a symptom of something gone wrong.

Our church runs a summer leadership institute for young folks. Each year, a number of them need a home to stay in during the summer.  These are low maintenance  people who are a joy to be around.  They are exploring what God might have them do.  Can you think are a more exciting person to have join your household for a brief season.   It has certainly been a joy for our family to host students. Our only complaint is that they are so busy with their activities, that we saw less of the students than we would have like to. Inspite of how great it is to have these students, each year is takes time to find each of them housing.  I would have thought people would be fighting for the opportunity to have one of these students live with them.  I would have thought that housing would be addresses the first week the need was announced with the only trouble being that someone would have to  tell people they don't get a student even though they want one, but that's not what generally happens.  It takes weeks to find housing that will work.

The more I think about, the more I think we have let our hospitality muscles weaken.  I wonder if part of this is that we set our expectations too high.  We think that unless we are Marta Stewart, serve gourmet meals, having the house perfectly clean and organized, we can't have people over.  So we don't share meals with people, we don't open our homes and the community suffers.  I wonder though, if part of the problem is that we don't recognize the important of community and we let our lives get consumed with busyness. That we don't see how much more vital life is if we are sharing our meals, our time, our lives with other people, people who aren't part of our immediate family.  Not just seeing people at weekly meetings, but daily.  I wonder if due to lack of exercise, our hearts have grown a bit weak.  If this is the case, maybe we need to start small.  Think of one act we could do each week.  Do that for awhile and see if God has us take another step, until our hearts are as big as Jesus' heart.

Ironically, I am finding my interest in hospitality some what at odds with my minimalist leaning.  On the one hand, I would love to live in a smaller place, have less furniture. Yet, if we are going to be hospitable, I need space to share.  It would be good to have an extra bed that can be offered up.  So along the path to a more minimalist life, I find our family deciding to add things in as well.  The most recent decision was to give away the futon in our guest room (it's a fine couch, but not so great to sleep on), and replace it with a comfortable bed that we can share with other.

The topic of hospitality has historically been a very important practice in the church. Even in the mid-20th century, there were numerous books like  Open Heart, Open Home. For several decades it seems like the topic of hospitality has been at best, a back burner issue in most churches. I am encouraged though, It seems in some circles there is a re-awaking to the importance of hospitality and seeing the connection between our hearts and how we use our homes. I am encourage be seeing new books and blog entries like The Importance of Hospitality by Katie Driver. I believe hospitality is very important.  I know that Jesus seemed to think this was important.  In Matt 10 he told a parable with the following punchline:

Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’

I know there is a lot for me to learn about hospitality, but the best way to learn is practice, so that's what I am trying to do. It would be good if I didn't feel as stressed about cooking food for others, but I will get over this, and in the mean time, I don't feel bad about doing carry out some of the time. I want to have a heart which is open and welcoming. This is a work in progress.  I pray that in a year I will have more thoughts than "Hospitality is important", but right now that's all I can offer.

Gamification of Life

Not everything is serious.

Over the last few years I have read about and heard people talk about the gameification of life.  There is part of me that wants to say the whole idea was silly.  Who needs their real life to be turned into a video game where you are accumulating points and badges.  We live life to live life.  Earning virtual points isn't going to change behavior.  Or is it?  I have been following work happening at places like the The Persuasive Technology Lab at Stanford that looks at how interaction with technology can change people's thinking or behavior.  In the last few months I have seen in a small way how this can work out in my own life.

My family owns two cars.  A Prius and a Passat.  If you would have asked me a few months ago, I would have said that Passat is more fun to drive: it has better acceleration, better handling, more comfortable seats.   When I drive the Passat, I tend to push it a little bit.  Take the turns tight, accelerate hard when it's safe, push to make lights when I am sure I can make it through before it turns red.  I tend to drive in a mildly aggressive manner. My attitudes reflect my driving style.  I find that I am a bit impatient, wanting to go quickly, annoyed with drivers that are going more slowly than they need or seem indecisive.

Prius has it's own kind of fun.  Trying to get the best MPG score I can.  Now my Passat records mpg numbers as well, both average, and instantaneous... but these numbers don't really help you maximize your milage.  The Prius though, will shown your accumulated score (mpg since the trip was resent - I do it after each fill up), it has a bar graph of current mpg, charge in the battery, and how much energy you are putting into (or taking out) of the drive system with a line indicating where the car will likely switch from running on battery to starting the gas engine and a second line indicating when you are switching from running the engine efficiently (eco) to burning fuel (full power). As I started to drive the Prius I noticed that I was trying maximize my mph score. I would accelerate more slowly.  I was paying more aware of how traffic was flowing to minimize the amount of braking I had to do, and worked to keep the braking in the range that the regenerative system would capture energy.  I found myself adjusting my speed on the road to maximize milage.  Rather than pushing to squeak through a light before it changed, I found myself considering fuel economy introduced by the light, that is, could I make it through the light on eco which would result in a better score than having to come to a complete stop.  I have also noticed that I am a bit more calm and patient, because "the game" rewards that.  Wow, it seems like both my behavior and attitude were being effected by having a score.  Of course, I told myself it was just about being economical and being a good stewart.  This is why I was driving the Prius rather than the Passat.

Well... maybe not. One week I noticed my score was down to 40.2mpg, lower than my normal 45-48mpg score.  As the score stayed low and I watched the game time running out (fuel meter was approaching the half way mark) I knew that I needed to do something, or the score would be low when the game ended (next fill up). I found myself considering taking an unnecessary trip on the freeway so I could improve my score.  Oh my, I was caring more about the score than using resources wisely. I didn't take the unnecessarily trip, but I was tempted to.  A note to designers: make sure you are instrumenting that right things, or you might discover you are encouraging the wrong behaviors.

I now find myself wondering, am I driving the Prius because it is more economical, or because it's fun and I am trying to get good scores?  Or maybe it just because it's a nicer car with a sun roof and a plug for my iPhone. Every now and again I will express joy or sorrow at my score.  Helen laughs at me and says that she is going to get me a driving video game... but why would I need one?  I use one every day, and it gets me (and her) the places we need to go.  My just wish Toyota had the Prius record the top 10 scores like a good video game.  Even better, top score with any Prius' in the neighborhood.  There would be plenty of players since Prius in our neighborhood are as common as pickup trucks in Texas.  My top score for a full tank of gas is 53.5mpg.  What's yours?  :-)

Meeting God in the Empty Place - Turning Loneliness to Solitude

Libby and I used to talk nearly every night.  Often for a couple of hours. The topics varied greatly: basic logistical issues, smoothing over relational friction, concerns weighing on our hearts, big ideas, silly dreams.  Honestly the topics almost didn't matter, it was having someone to share life with.  It's been three months since we had a good two way conversation. The last couple of weeks before Libby went home to God she wasn't really up to talking.  More than anything, I miss those evening conversations.

When Libby passed from this world it felt like a huge hole was ripped in my soul.  There was an emptiness.  For a week I was numb, but then I felt a huge hunger.  I wanted the hole to go away.  I wanted it to be filled up.   I knew that that the emptiness wasn't going to be filled anytime soon, but that didn't make the desire, the longing any less.  Ironically, it took more than two months for me to recognize the emptiness has another name, loneliness.

Each time I talk with someone, it seems like a small bit of the hole is filled in.  Just a shovel full of filling for a 500k sq ft building foundation. At this rate I will die of old age before the hole is fully filled, but after each interaction with someone I have a sense of hope.  That it won't always hurt this much.  That the emptiness will someday be filled.

Something more important has come to me though... I have found that I can sit in the emptiness. I don't have to rush out and find someone to fill the hole, nor do I need to throw myself into activity to distract myself.  The emptiness is not pleasant, but it can be transformative.   I can see more clearly my longings. I can hear and seeing God a more clearly and God reveals what I truly believe, what's in my heart. It's only when the heart is revealed that healing and lasting change can happen. God is not filling the emptiness, but He is meeting me there.  In these moments, the loneliness is transformed into solitude.  No longer is the focus on what is lacking, but a time of looking with God's eyes. I wish I have better words to describe it, but I don't.  I can share one of the small ways I have see this change in the last week.  I am very aware of how much I miss Libby and how important community and relationships are.  I am particularly aware than I want to spend time with people who are comforting and encouraging. Even when I am not with these friends, I end up thinking about them.  Typically wondering if it would be ok to call them, or if I am going to make myself a pest by calling too frequently.  As I am pulled from loneliness to solitude, my focus chances.  Rather than being focused on my lack, the loneliness, I find myself thinking about how I can bless others, to love and serve them.  What are their needs, what is God doing in their lives, is there some way to be a blessing to them.  I am seeing God's heart and it is changing me and I can feel at peace.  I am able to love, not because I hope to get something in return, but because I know that I am loved by God.

I have wondered, if God is with me always, why do I feel lonely, why not a constant sense of peace.  Couldn't God fill that hole Himself once and for all.  I think the answer is He could, but He won't, because it won't be good.  Partly because we need to sense the emptiness before we stop and turn toward Him.  But I don't think that's the only reason.  We were designed to be in relationship with God AND with other people.  We are made for community.  Desiring people in our lives is good. The mistake we make is to try and control how it happens, to arrange things so the hunger is fed rather than trust God to take care of us as we participate in community.

We are called to follow Jesus' example.  Choice to love and serve those around us.  Yes, we should welcome the companionship of others, even to ask for it, but ultimately, we have trust that the Lord will take care of us.  To live with open hands, welcoming God to works in our lives. Jesus was deeply involved with people.  He spent most of his waking hours with others.  He would also take time to withdraw, to find quiet times with His father.  But even with perfect commune with His Father, and empowered by the Spirit Jesus experience the difficulties of life just as we do.  We see him cry.  He experienced loneliness, lose, and pain. This used to be a mystery to me.  If you could see God clearly, wouldn't everything be ok.  Wouldn't seeing God's goodness be like a fire that burns everything else away, leaving you in a state of constant awe: content, even happy?  The answer is no.  So long as we live in this broken world, there will be loneliness, pain, suffering, in a word, sorrow. It will be set right, but not yet.  Anyone who is responding to Lord will feel these things.  How could we not because things are not right.

This is a painful season of life, but it is also exciting because I can see how my life is being changed. While I want the loneliness to end, the hunger to be sated, I find myself appreciating how loss is pull me toward God, and how the loneliness is being transformed into solitude. I believe that in time, much of the acute loneliness will pass, but I pray that the solitude that grows from it will never waver.

Update 2011/12/30: I just realized that loneliness to solitude is the first section of Henri Nouwen's excellent book Reach Out.  I would recommend checking this book out for a much clearly discussion of this transition.

Minimalism & Simplicity

I have been reflecting a bit about minimalism in the material world.  Doing less, consuming less, owning less to focus on things that are more important.  Living in the "developed" world, its easy to get caught up with our culture which produces an almost unlimited hunger for more and more stuff which can choke out life.  People find themselves working harder and harder to maintain an extravagant lifestyle. My father's influence has given me a slight tendency to be a minimalist, to hold onto only what's important.  I have discovered how paring things down can improve the quality of life.  I found that minimizing what I pack on trips makes the journey easier and more rewarding. Likewise, I found that a minimalist approach to backpacking (a close relative of ultralight backpacking) can make trips more enjoyable and the task of preparing and packing easier.  I would like to be as ruthless in life at home.

I have tried, with some small success, to live a minimalist life style. For years, I have been inclined to give things away that I am not using on the theory that there are people who could make better use of the objects, wanting to be a good stewart, though these days it goes a bit beyond that.  Libby would talk to objects (cars, pots, stuff animals) as if they were people... so now rather that seeing objects as just things to be use, and I can almost hear them calling to be used, to allow them to fulfill their purpose and calling.  Anyone who has seen the Toy Story movies can imagine this.  So if I am not using something, I can almost her the object calling out to be put in a situation where it will be loved and used.  Yet, I am far from minimalist today.

Several years ago my family visited the ghost town in Bodie.  One of the things that struck me was how small the houses were.  Even the house for the town lawyer, one of the most prominent town members was small. Some of the homes were in the process of being restored, and repopulated with the objects that people who have likely owned.  What struck me was how little stuff people had.  There was no need for a large house, because it was mainly holding people, not things. Today, at least in the western world, our homes have become storerooms for our stuff.  The modern day bigger barn.  What was yesterday's luxuries are quickly becoming today's "necessities".  We are consume more are more.  I doubt it is sustainable, or good stewardship.  Thankfully, I believe it is possible to get off the merry-go-round.

There is a movement toward simplicity.  While I believe it is possible for people to turn simplicity into a god which has no lasting value, I believe we are called to simpler lives.  I was challenged by The Minimalists 21 Day Journey.  If I was living alone I would likely have given it a shot, but I am not going to disrupt my daughter's life right now, things are hard enough as they are.  But, she and I have been going through things and asking the questions "Are we using this?  If not, is there a deep attachment, or should we find someone who would find better use of this object".

I have been very challenged by I Tim 4:8, that with food and clothing, Paul was able to be content.  Today, I couldn't be content with just those things, but I hope and prayer, that someday I will be.

Minimalism is tightly connected to simplicity. My father taught me the value of simplicity. He didn't need to update an item if it was still working. He didn't need to purchase something to impress others. He just cared that the object fulfilled it's function well. Dad was suspicious of people who attacked a problem with complicated solution.  Complexity typically demonstrated that people were using the wrong paradigm.  He would often say that if you couldn't explain something on a napkin or two then you most likely didn't really understand an issue fully.

I learned a lot from my dad.  I think he is right, that in intellectual pursuits it is very common for people to get tangled up in unnecessary complexity. I think this is also true when it comes to approach God and the spiritual realm.  The heart of the gospel is so simple, that we resist it, we are ashamed of it, or we want it to be more complicated so we can proudly master it.  I see this in myself, but I strive to hang onto the core, simple truths. Years ago, I remember hearing a teacher talk about a time he was at seminary.  He was talking to a friend about all the advanced courses he was taking. His friend mentioned that he was going to be taking a remedial course on salvation and grace. My teacher was surprised and asked why his friend wasn't taking the more advanced course.  His friend's response humbled him "Because I can't think of anything I would rather spend my time considering.  God's grace is so tremendous.  I could spend hours reflecting on it." We need to major in the important things.  I will write more about minimalist faith and truths later.

The Value and Cost of Variety

I like variety.  This shows up in  in the food I eat, the music I listen to, the books I read.  I enjoy when my world expands, to have new and different experiences. I believe there is a lot of good in this, and yet, I found myself wondering about the cost.  Less than 200 years ago life was much less mobile, there were far fewer occupations, and even fewer options for which occupation someone might have the opportunity to engage in.  The community you were part of was bound by geography without cars that greatly extend the geographic sphere one could regularly interact with.  The variety of "stuff" one could own was much smaller than it is today.  It might be a shock to some today, but people survived, some even thrived.  Do I wish to return to the 19th or earlier time.  No.  But I do wonder what we have lost in our variety filled world.

This morning I woke up with the song Love is a Worth Cause by Sara Groves running through my mind, my heart.  It was a good way to wake up and it lifted my spirit. Waking up with a song on my lips has become somewhat common in the last few weeks.  The songs have varied a bit,  a few  other songs by Sara Grove and a number of classic Christmas hymns.  Why is this happening?  I think it is likely repetition, a parring down of variety.

If I listened to all the music on our server eight hours per day, I could go more than half a year without hearing a single song repeated.  If I add in the possibilities from Spotify, Pandora, or the radio, the possibilities grow expotentially. In reality, I don't listen to everything in our collection as one big shuffle.  My family found the jump between genres too jarring sometimes, so normally I am using a play list which excludes genre that are at the "extremes", so we would go a mere two months without a repeat.  This is still a long time, meaning that it's unlikely for any one song to have a significant impact.

In the last few months I have generally not been listening to one of these large play lists.  Instead, I have constructed a couple of very short play lists.  One list is a collection of songs that have helped me grieve and/or see hope. The other is a list of Christmas songs.  Rather than thousands of songs, there are tens of songs.  Rather than hearing a song once every few months, I am hearing the same songs several times a day.

I believe that the repetition is causing the songs to get lodged deeper in my heart and mind.  Once embedded, the songs have had an effect on my perspective, they have influenced my thinking. I am starting to think that music is food for the spirit and exercise for the heart.  When athletes are in training they tend to select healthy food, not junk food.  There is a careful selection of exercises to strengthen specific muscles, not just a random physical activities.  How much more important are our minds and our spiritual hearts.

Going forward I am going to be more conscience of the music I ingest.  I will continue to enjoy a wide variety of music, in the same way that I enjoy eating chocolate mousse... a treat to enjoy but not part of every meal.  Likewise, while it's important to engage in whole body exercise, there is a need to target specific muscles, to address weakness and build strength.  What's the mix between broad playlists (potentially whole body workouts) and specific playlists which target needed areas?  I don't know.  I suspect it will vary person to person, and depend on what season of life one is in, it is something that will have to be discovered, and as soon as you think you know the balance, it will be time to change again.  Seasons of discovery, seasons to consolidation. Today I am in a season of consolidation, where there is a need for more focus, and less variety. I find myself wondering what other things should be paired down.